Koby Frances, PhD
Many People Come to Therapy Wondering...
“Why am I attracted to unavailable people?”
“Why do I lose interest when someone likes me?”
“Why do my feelings change when a relationship becomes real?”
“What if my attractions don't fully match the life I want?”
“Why do certain fantasies feel so much stronger than real relationships?”
“What do my attractions say about me?”
Questions like these can be surprisingly difficult to make sense of…
Especially when the same dating and relationship patterns seem to keep repeating themselves.
Over more than two decades in private practice, I've found that many people experience the greatest relief when they begin reflecting more deeply on attraction itself.
What makes us feel so drawn to certain people or situations? What deeper needs or longings might they be tapping into? What are these attractions doing for us emotionally?
By looking at attraction as a kind of mirror into ourselves, our perspective naturally begins to shift.
Instead of shame, self-blame, or hopelessness, we become curious about why certain patterns feel so compelling—even when they no longer serve us well. Questions that once felt confusing or frustrating often begin to make more sense.
This way of thinking about attraction has shaped much of my writing, teaching, and clinical work.