Koby Frances, PhD

Do You Ever Find Yourself Wondering:

Why do I keep falling for the same kinds of people?

Why do relationships feel so confusing?

Why don’t I feel attracted to people who genuinely like me?

Over fifteen years of clinical practice, I’ve found that many of the most confusing questions about dating and relationships become surprisingly clear once we begin looking in the right place. That process begins by asking a different question:

Who Are the Kinds of People That Quickly and Powerfully Capture Our Attention?

What it is about them?

What stands out about them, much more than others?

When do I first start to feel excited and hopeful?

Many clients who I work with find these questions refreshingly easy to answer—and tremendously eye-opening. Often, they can lead us to make sense of our confusion in a completely different way.

A Discovery That Can Truly Help

Questions like these often help us realize that we are not necessarily first attracted to everything about a person we come across, but rather, to just one or two familiar qualities that seem to stand out across different people and different relationships.

When these qualities first appear, it can feel as if the person has something uniquely special—and they become almost impossible to ignore. Without always realizing it, in many cases, this is where much of our confusion begins.

What This Reveals About Us?

The qualities that immediately draw us to others might seem random. But with further reflection may reveal something important about ourselves—something that we may never have fully recognized before. In that sense, our strongest most familiar attractions may be telling us more about who we are, than about who the other person is.

Taking the First Step: Discover Your Attraction Pattern

We don’t need to understand everything before diving in. The first step is to simply identify our “attraction pattern”—an experience that can be highly rewarding and empowering. That first step is often much easier than people expect. Why? Because the qualities that captivate us most, tend to fall into just four recognizable patterns. Recognizing these patterns can be a meaningful first step toward making sense of confusing attractions—and approaching dating and relationships in a fundamentally different way.

Which of the Four Attraction Patterns Sounds Most like you?

 

Understanding Attraction: A brief introduction that can help clarify many different dating and relationship questions. By Koby Frances, PhD

 

What your Attraction Pattern may be telling you

One of the most surprising discoveries people make is that the qualities they repeatedly become captivated by, often make much more sense than they first imagined.

What initially feels random—or even embarrassing—often turns out to follow a surprisingly consistent pattern.

Recognizing the specific pattern that matches our experience, can often change much more than our dating life. It can reshape how we understand our relationships, ourselves, and the choices we've been making all along.

That's why each of the four attraction patterns explores not only who tends to captivate us—but what those attractions may be trying to tell us.

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