Should our strongest attractions always be trusted?

Whether you find yourself consistently drawn to unavailable people, becoming immediately infatuated, losing interest once relationships become serious, or repeatedly finding yourself in the same relationship dynamics—certain attractions can leave us feeling confused, discouraged, and unsure what to trust.

But here's what often surprises—and relieves—people the most:

Many of us unknowingly spend years being drawn to the same qualities in one person after another.

Those qualities can spark powerful feelings of attraction long before we truly know the people who possess them—and sometimes before we even meet them.

Over many years in private practice, I've noticed that our most immediate attractions often fall into four recurring patterns. Understanding which pattern best describes your own experience is often the first step toward making sense of dating and relationship confusion—and the deeper dynamics underneath them.

This website is built around many of the same ideas I explore in therapy and consultation to help people better understand attraction, relationships, and identity.

Which of the Four Attraction Patterns Best Describes You?

Why do these Attraction patterns matter?

Over years in private practice, I've noticed that our most immediate attractions are often sparked by a surprisingly small set of qualities in other people.

Some people find themselves repeatedly drawn to vulnerability. Others to rebelliousness. Others to unusually confident, warm, or socially gifted people.

The qualities that quickly draw in one person may be completely different that the qualities that captivate others. In other words, those captivating qualities aren't random—and they don't become powerful by accident.

Understanding where these attractions come from, what they've come to symbolize, and how much they should influence our dating and relationship decisions is one of the central questions I explore with clients.

Schedule a free 15 minute Consultation