What can our strongest attractions teach us?

Koby Frances, PhD

When our most powerful attractions seem random and confusing, looking closely at the kinds of people we are drawn to can be remarkably helpful. When doing this, we may be surprised to discover something that we never realized before: that our attractions are often not simply to different people,

but to the same one or two qualities that keep appearing in different people over time.

Over more than fifteen years of clinical practice, I've found that the qualities people are most consistently captivated by aren’t endless or random.

Rather, they fall into just four recognizable attraction patterns.

Identifying your attraction pattern is often where real insight begins.

  

Which of the Four Attraction Patterns Best Matches Your Experience?

What your Attraction Pattern may be telling you

One of the most surprising discoveries people make is this:

the qualities they repeatedly become captivated by, often make much more sense than they first imagined.

What initially feels random—or even embarrassing—often turns out to follow a surprisingly consistent pattern.

Recognizing that pattern often changes much more than our dating life. It can reshape how we understand our relationships, ourselves, and the choices we've been making all along.

That's why each of the four attraction patterns explores not only who tends to captivate us—but what those attractions may be trying to tell us.

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